Hungry

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I can never satiate my hunger. I always want to eat more and more until I can hardly breathe and my belt is about to break. It’s like I’m addicted to food.

As I’ve pushed deeper into my education, however, I’ve found that it isn’t just food that can’t satisfy me. Nothing can satisfy me now. Not cupcakes, not A’s on my grade reports, not even getting my monthly allowance. Nothing. (I guess that’s what I get for choosing “hungry” as my Senior word for high school graduation.)

I’m not saying that I am a spoiled pessimistic brat, nor that I’m unhappy with the privileges I’ve been given. I’m just saying that I constantly want more.

I don’t just want cupcakes. I want to make them, take pictures of them, open a store and sell them for three bucks a pop. I don’t just want A’s on my grade reports. I want A pluses that I know darn-well had my blood, sweat, and tears poured into. And my monthly allowance? I don’t just want to see that my dad has graciously transferred money into my account. I want to know that I can save that money, invest it, and earn so much interest that I can buy a blimp if I wanted to. There is so much that I want to do and so many questions I have regarding my own success that it drives me crazy.

Now, I could sit around all day and dream about what my future has in store or whether I really will have enough money to buy a blimp, but I don’t. Instead of letting my whimsical aspirations lower my already-low-because-I’m-a-college-student self-esteem, I use them to fuel my thoughts. I have never dreamt bigger than I do as a college student, and it is because I want so much. Not material things, but the things that make me intellectual and independent. Isn’t that what college is supposed to do to you?

And maybe it’s being a broke college student who is tired of having a roommate, or maybe it’s my desire to furnish my own apartment and own a few houseplants, but being hungry and dreaming seem to make everything better.

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